truthordare: sing yo booty off edition
by randomsillycullen
Summary: emmett makes up a game, each of the family members get dared to sing a song....but what songs will they sing? oh and nessie keeps wondering what a disco stick is...michael jackson hanging with harry potter....and alice having an evil spas...read!
1. let the fun begin

**heyy you guys, this is a story about when the cullens play truth or dare:sing yo booty off edition. i hope you laugh....:)= **

**edward: say it**

**me(rayche):no**

**edward:say it**

**me:no**

**edward: i will dazzle you into it...**

**me:you would not!!**

**edward: *dazzles* rayche...for me?**

**me: huuuu huuuu eh ehehe ffffrrrr i dont own twilight or any of the songs used **

bella's pov

mmmm...i love the way he smells....like sunshine and honeysuckle...mmmmm

"what's on your mind love?" he asked.

"you..."

"what about-" he was cut off by one of the highest voices i have ever heard.

"BELLA&EDWARD STOP THE ROMANCE AND GET YOUR BEHINDES IN THE LIVING ROOM!! BRING NESSIE!!!" emmett screched.

"what the hell doe's he want?" i asked.

"i dont know he keeps thinking about michael jackson going to hogwarts".

".........."

woah he must have been hit by that bear REALLY hard before he was changed, i thought as i walked down the stair's.

i sat down on the loveseat with edward, nessie cuddled between us.

emmett was standing in front of a kareoke machine, and a hat with slips of paper in it..oh god what is he up to now.

the rest of the family was on the couch, looking scared...apart from alice who looked like she was having an evilgasm.

this cant be good....

"hello my family, jacob, i have asked you all down here to play a game, this game is a very special game for i myself have made it". uhhhhohhhhh

"now do you want to learn to play or what???!!!!" he said in a very girly voice.

"okay, but one question first." my edward said.

"will my child be harmed in any of this? or scared for life? or i dont know....

HAVE HER YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE DISRUPTED???"

"relax eddie boy, stop getting your..*glances at nessie* disco stick in a knot, and listen!"

"momma whats a disco stick?" my 3 year old child asked me. Everyone started laughing, but this was FAR from funny!!

"we will tell you later pumsie" edward said while looking highly uncomterble.

"the game is called truth or dare: sing yo booty off edition! each of us will dare the other a song to sing, if the person choose's truth they will pick a song from the hat. got it?" we nodded as he looked to jasper.

"jazzy, truth or dare?" jasper thought for a minute then said

"dare" emmett got a look of evil in his eyes, wrong choice bubba.

"i dare you to sing....."

**did you like it? what do you want emmett to make jasper sing? this is my first fan fic and i would really really like some reviews...il give you giggles if you click the button!!!! **

**3 randomsillycullen**


	2. ITS FUN SIZE

**heyy, sorry for the wait and the cliffy there but here is the next chap...hehehe**

**i *eMo TeAr* do not own twilight....yet...muhahahaha!!**

**emmett: ummm...have you gone mad?**

**me: no emmy what makes you think that?? *eViL sTarE***

APOV

hehehe....oh my sweet lover you just wait...hehehehe.

"i dare you to sing "rockstar" by hannah montana ( **i know i hate her to but trust me..this is going to be worth it)**

JPOV

oma!!! i cannot belive i am going to do this. my family burst into laughter as i grabbed the mic from emmett's massive hand. i heard the music start as i swayed around.

_uh oh, yeah, uh oh oh oh oh yeah_

_sometime's i walk a little faster in the school hallway just to get next to you_

_some days i spend a little extra time in the morning just to empress you _

_yes you dont know this_

_yes you dont need this_

_and your not seeing what ya missing _

_on the outside shy&away..on the inside dieing to say_

_im unusual not so typical_

_way to smart to be_

_hanging around_

_tie-che practice's _

_snowbored champion_

_i cant fix the flat on your car_

_i might even be a rockstar_

with the chorus jasper ripped off his pants and threw them at esme casing a sudden growl from carlise.."i wanted them" he said.

_sometime's i wish when the phone rings that it would be you saying_

_lets hang out_

_then you'd confess that there's somthin special _

_why dont we find out_

_you dont even knotice_

_yes you dont see it_

_why you not seeing what you missing_

_on the outside shy&away_

_on the inside dying to saaaaay_

_im unusual not soo typical_

_waaay to smart to be_

_hanging around_

_tie-che practices_

_snowbored champion_

_i can fix the flat on your car_

_i might even be a rockstaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!!!_

jasper tore off his shirt, now only in his boxers, and put one hand behind his head one holding his foot that was in the air and started to jump around.

_ohh i am a rockstar_

he finshed the song and there was just silence.

..........

...........

...........

(ten minutes later)

everyone burst into venom tears, apart from jacob whos face was streaming salty wolfman tears and was laughing there butt off. about five minutes of this and rosalie handed him his pants.

"put tour pant's on, even alice dosent want to see that-" she was cut off from carlise

"nooo, i dont want you to put them back on, i like them off!!"

" i want them off!!!" jasper screamed

"daddy whats a disco stick, and doe's jasper have one???" nessie said

"your mum and i will tell you later sweetums, and yes but its rather small" edward repled.

"how would you know?" jasper questioned.

"you remember that one time at the lake when that perana bit you were the sun-dont-shi-"

"YESS I REMEBER, AND IT IS NOT SMALL!!!, ITS FUN SIZE!!!"

all of a sudden michael jackson's ghost burst threw the door whering a scarlet and gold griffeyndor robe singing

"you got to cast it it!!! cast that spell. we hanging out with ron and hermione's blue.

harry got contacts so he can see me to you got to cast it!!! cast that spell..."

and with that he dissapeared.

"so edward..." jasper said looking rather much like alice.

"truth or dare?"

edward ansered easliy

"DARE, HALE!!"

"i dare you to sing....."

**ha!! sorry another cliffy!! so what did you think? was it hate or love?? what do you want in the next chap? i really really love reviews...please!! its for the evil laughing puppy!!! 3 randomsillycullen**


	3. BELLA GOT BACK!

**heyy, im sorry about the blooper i made when i posted the same chap but i changed it. oh ya i dont own any songs used and....and....damn i dont own twilight....*ALicE poUT***

EPOV

"i dare you to sing "baby got back"...we all know bel-"

"YOU FINSH THAT SENTENCE YANKEE I WILL GIVE YOU MENTAL IMAGES OF ESME NAKED FOR THE REST OF ENTERITY!!!" yelled carlise.

"did you drink duck blood again???" i asked.

"yes and now your apples look juicy-"

"MY APPLES!" yelled edward.

he walked up to the mic as he started to sing....hehehe i am so recording this....

_oh my god_

_becky look at her butt its soo big_

_she looks like one of those_

_rap guys girlfriends_

_but you know who understands_

_those rap guys_

_they only talk to her becase_

_she looks like a total prostitute kay_

_i mean her butt is just so big_

_i cant believe its just so round its like_

_out there, i mean-gross look_

_shes just so....black!_

my daughter put her hand to my face, and showed me an immage of edward looking at my butt. she pulled her hand away and giggled .

"that is so not funny ness."

"yes it is!" she said back

_i like big butts and i cannot lie_

_you other brothers cant deny _

_that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and _

_a round thing in your face you get sprung_

_wanna pull out your tough_

_case you notice that butt was stuffed_

_deep in the jeans shes wearing_

_im hooked and i cant stop staring_

_oh baby i wanna get with you and_

_take your picture_

_my homeboys tried to warn me_

_but that butt you got makes me so horny_

_ooh rump-o-smooth skin_

_you say you wanna get in my benz_

_well use me use me_

_case you aint no average groupie_

_ive seen them dancing_

_to hell with romancin_

_shes sweat, wet_

_got it goin like a turbo vette_

_om tired of magazines_

_saying flat butts are the thang_

_take the average black man and ask him_

_that she gotta pack much back_

_so fellas (yeah!) fellas!(yeah!)_

_has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah!)_

_tell em to shake it (shake it!) shake it! (shake it!)_

_shake that healthy butt_

_bella got back!!!_

my head jerked up as i glared at my very sweaty husband **(i dont know why but hes sweaty...you know you love it)** and glared...its no secret i have a rather large butt but (hehe but but hehehe) thats not funny!!!! grrr...hes lucky hes got cheasthair...ahahahaha...mmmmm....hey wait a minute...

"STOP JASPER!" i yelled.

"i wasent doing anything...." he said honestly

they all stared at me and started howling....even carlise that trader!!!!

"im posting that on youtube!!!" i proclamied.

"hey guess what im posting!!!" said alice who looked very evil at the moment.

"what...asked nicely..??"

"the videos in your sock drawer on porntube!!!" she said.

"OH YES...OH....HEHEHEHE.....YESYESYES....EVILLLL......EVILLLLL....YESYESYES!!!!"

alice proclamied figgeting and worming around.

"did" i said

"you" edward said

"just" emmett said

"have" esme said

"another" carilise said

"evilgasm?" jasper said

"maybe...probly....YES!!!"

everyone was quiet for a minute...

"mommy whats an evilgasm and can i have one." nessie asked.

"a sudden powerful burst of evil...and no...hell no...."

" jacob do you have a disco stick and if so can i have it?" my daughter asked.

me and edward were pissed as everyone else laughed.

"jacob...truth or dare mongrel?"

"i dont compleatly trust you so truth."

he put his hand in the hat.

he pulled out a slip of paper and said "im singing-"

"GREEN DUCK!! THE NEW MENERGY DRINK FOR MANLY VAMPIRES!!!" carlise cutt him off.

**soo what do you think? any good? let me know...please!!!!**


	4. PEDOwolf

***says nervously* ello...um yeah well....**

**alice: why did you flucking keep me waiting so long...**

**me: um...well...ya see alice-**

**alice: I WILL BURN YOUR FAVORITE RED CONVERSE IF YOU EVER DO THAT $%^& TO ME AGAIN!!!....*ask sweetly* so did SM finally give you twilight yet?**

**me: NOOOO NOT JARED&KIM (**i name my sneekers after twilight carecters..i have ocd (CULLEN) **I WILL NEVER!! *says very calmly* no actually but i might just have to bribe her...**

EPOV

damn,bella dose know how to fill a pair of jeans...that kardashian chic has nothing on her cheeks...you could bonce a qurter off those things...

EDWARD BE A GENTLEMAN!!!!

okay fine....damn her ass....

WAIT A MINUTE!

what did pedo wolf just say (**nothing wrong with jacob...well not much...)**

he walked red faced up to the mic and a very firmiliar song came on.

_i love myself, i want you to love me_

_when i feel down,i want you above me_

_i search myself, i want you to find me_

_i forget myself, i want you to remind me_

_i dont want anybody else_

_when i think about you i touch myself_

_ooh i dont want anybody else oh oh no no oh oh_

"daddy why doe's jacob touch himself?" carlise asked me (**no typo there)**

"carlise, i am not your father...and becase he will never get to touch my daughter...ever."

"daddy, jacob touches me all the time thow.." nessie said...whoa she wil never know akward that sentence was.

_your the one who makes me come runnin_

_your the one who makes me shine_

_when youre around im always laughin_

_i want to make you mine_

_i close my eyes and see you before me_

_think i would die if you were just to ignore me_

_a fool could see just how much i adore you_

_id get down in my knees; id do anything for you_

_i dont want anybody else_

_when i think about you i touch myself_

_ahh ohh i dont want anybody else_

_oh no oh no yeah_

jacob started to dance like steve erkule

_i touch myself_

_i touch myself_

_i touch myself_

_i touch myself_

_i honsetly do_

_i touch myself_

_i touch myslef_

.......

......

......

bout 3 minutes later everyone was on the floor laughing.

apart from nessie and jacob

"sooo...umm yeah....noo...nooo that was just wrong jake." said alice

"stupid horny rabit owner." came from rose's mouth

"WHAT IS A DISCO STICK AN EVERYONE TOUCHES THEMSELF!!!" burst my very emo daughter.

she touched her forehead and shrieked "WHOPPIDI FLOPPERDI I AM TOUCHING MYSELF!!"

this made every one scilente...nessie curled back between me and bella then smiled angelicly.

"so mommy whats a disco stick?" she asked bella

damn bella you ass is like my personal sun....

BPOV

"nessie i will tell you later.." yeah a couple years later!!!

"ugh..fine...im gonna go color..and dont. bother. me.....!!!!!"

omg my child is bipolar, well she got it from her uncle..

"so blonde...truth or dare?" jacob asked

" DARE YOU SMALL LITTLE MUTHER OR THE MUTT TYPEISH LITTER!!.....LET THE EVIL VIVA VIAGRA GET YOU.....AND YOUR LITTLE SETH TOO!!!"

"hey rose?" i asked

" yes bells?"

"stop eating diabetic cheetas...kay?

"osgfa!!!!" she said in chimpease.

"i dare you to sing-" but jacob was cut off.

"i have finshed my pictures! heres one of aunt pixie shoping...one of grampa atacking a duck...and this ones my favorite...MOMMY AND DADDY WREASLING!!!!"

**soooo did you like? love? hate..:( :) let me know!!! click it....click it....it will mean every thing to me....i will make you giggle about chicken poop if u just review!!**

**3 rayche**


	5. LEAPING CHIHUAHUAS

**hello, please...enjoy the next chapter that is dedicated to one of my favorite reviewers brittnayperson...**

**sorry for the long wait! i have had this chapter in my computer FOREVER so here you are...**

**BPOV**

the only thing i could hear was

"MOMMY AND DADDY WREASTLING!" it rang from my daughters mouth like fire buring ... oh no....this is gonna be bad.

Edward took the paper from her hand's and put it in his backpocket.

"Nessie, promise me something." he said threw the howling laughter.

she looked at him innocently.

"Anything daddy!"

"NEVER, draw a picture of that...AGAIN!" he said strongly.

"oh yeah, that will be an akward conversation with the princepal " said emmett.

"shut...up....or....i will bite you....." my voice like thick venom.

"do it!!!! do it!!!!! do it!!!!" shouted Esme.

"not...infront...of my nessie." i said back.

"awww...anyway i dare blondie over there to sing "star's are blind" by paris hilton."

yaaaay! i actually kinda like that song...but not the person who sings it.

"okay." she said simply as ahe walked to the mic.

_i dont mind, just hanging here with you_

_but i dont find, to many guys_

_that treat me like you do.._

_those other guys, all wanna take me for a ride_

_but when i walk, they talk of suicide_

_and im satisfied..oh no oh_

_even thow the gods are crazy_

_even thow the star's are blind_

_if you show me real love baby_

_il show ya mine_

_we can make it nice and naughty_

_be the devil, then angel too_

_got a heart, and soul and body,_

_baby im perfect for you_

rosalie winked at emmett and then a chihuahua dressed in pink diamonds came in.

"tiger!" she screached and picked up the chihuahua.

this puzzled me...who was tiger?

"who's dog?"

rose jumped up and down hyperly..

"well it used to be mine, but then she ran away...10 weeks later we saw her in paris hilton's gucci bag...now shes back!"

"...okay..." i said.

then we hears a very nasel...almost baby like voice.

"dog where? dog where?" she kept repeting as she walked in...

"TINKERBELL!!" paris hilton screached.

"WHAT THE HELL?" i said exaspreted.

"FIRST there is a puppy....now paris hilton walks into our house...WTF???!!!"

paris walked over to rose and grabbed the puppy but did not sucseed in prying her lose from rosalie's arms.

"give her to me!!" paris said mimicking a 5 year old.

"HER is a HE and NEVER !!!" rose said as she ran into the woods.

"RUN ROSE! RUN!!!!!" jasper screamed after

woah.....emoooo......

Rosalie took off for the forest as paris looked at edward.

"Hiiiii, baby."

..............

.......................

.............

.................................

WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!

"OH NO HOE!!!!!!!!" i grabbed her fake blonde hair and threw her to mexico.

Everyone looked at me.

"THE CHEESE IS ALMOST PRETTY GAY!!!" i screamed.

"Hey mom! tell me....WHAT THE HELL IS A DISCO STICK!!"

"Language nessie....." edward said.

Rosalie ran back and screamed

"BELLALISUIOS YOU MUST SIIIIIIIIING............"

**review !!!! i will give you peakaboos!! if sooooo.....REVIEW!!!**

**i have the flu and i am in a cast so REVIEW!!!!!!!!! please?!**


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